How does one go from a high tech career at places like Apple and Facebook to establishing herself as an expert in sex and relationship therapy? Pam Costa’s journey began with addressing her own struggles in maintaining longterm sexual desire in a marriage. What she ended up discovering has become her passion, her work, and the subject of her upcoming talk at TEDX Palo Alto. After sharing her wisdom with the South Bay’s audience of illustrious change-makers, Costa will bring it home to JFK for the May 3rd Thursday Soapbox.
Sex and sexuality in relationships is a topic infrequently discussed in public, and yet, ironically, it is the public, cultural sphere that informs many of our ideas around how we think we should feel and behave sexually. Unfortunately, many of the ideas we receive from external sources are myths. Subscribing to these myths prevents us from getting in touch with our bodies and our actual desires, as well as from getting in touch with our partners about these desires.
“We receive many negative messages about sexuality from culture, religion, family of origin, and personal experience that can result in a landmine of blame and shame around sex in our relationships,” explains Costa. The idea, for example, that we should automatically know what we want sexually and that our partners should automatically know as well, does not lead in productive or intimate directions. When we subscribe to these myths we miss the opportunity to listen to what our bodies have to say about what we truly desire, which is the key to greater intimacy and satisfaction in our relationships.
How then, do we liberate ourselves from the confines of the many limiting beliefs that have been handed down to us? According to Costa, the journey toward greater connection with our sexual selves begins by having candid conversations about these topics, as our tendency to not speak about them has only perpetuated the myths. Opening up the conversation in a safe context, such as with a therapist or friends, can be the start to shedding light on the challenges we may face when it comes to intimacy, the fact that none of us are alone in having such challenges, and the possibilities for expansion that exist. Just having these conversations, explains Costa, can be the beginning of powerful shifts that lead toward greater depth, connection, and satisfaction in intimate relationships.
Over the next few weeks Costa will take the conversation first to Palo Alto’s prestigious TEDX conference and then to our very own Soapbox right here at JFK. Along the way, many myths will be dispelled and exciting new pathways toward intimacy and connection uncovered.